Writing the follow-up story

Our in-class writing assignment on Monday was the Follow-up Stories exercise on pages 366-367. Read the two day-one stories and the four day-two leads below. Then add your thoughts about them in the comments section at the end of this post.

Possible Day-One Stories:

Number 1:

A 10-year-old boy is in critical condition and a man is dead after an accident at Nichols Lake Sunday.

The boy, Edward McGorwann, lost his footing after wading into the lake with a 9-year-old friend. When the two boys yelled for help, an unidentified man jumped in to try to rescue the boy.

Cab driver James Kirkmann was taking his lunch in the park when he heard the screams for help. He radioed to dispatch, who then called 911.

Watching the events unfold, Kirkmann said, “When the boy went under and didn’t come back up for air, this guy dove under to find him. But he didn’t come back up, either.”

Soon after, police officers Kevin Barlow and Eddie Linn arrived on the scene. Barlow immediately stripped down to his shorts, dove into the lake, and began the search for the man and the boy.

After several dives, Barlow found Edward, unconscious.

Linn tried to resuscitate the boy, but the boy was still unconscious when he was taken by ambulance to the Regional Medical Center.

Barlow continued his search for the unidentified man for another 20 minutes, until volunteer scuba diver Dorothy Heslin arrived to assist police.

Heslin soon found the man and pulled him from the water, where paramedic Wayne Svendson was waiting to tray and resuscitate him. Svendson said the signs of hypothermia were apparent since the man’s skin had started to turn blue.

The man was taken to Regional Medical Center where Dr. Catrina Lowrie pronounced him dead on arrival.

Dr. Lowrie also stated that Edward was in critical condition.

Officer Barlow was also treated for minor shock caused by the long period of time he spent in the water, but was released Sunday afternoon.

Number Two:

A 10-year-old boy is in critical condition and the man who tried to save him from drowning is dead after a noontime accident at Nichols Lake Sunday.

The boy, Edward McGorwann, lost his footing after wading into the lake with a 9-year-old friend. When the two boys yelled for help, an unidentified man dove into the water to rescue Edward but was unsuccessful.

Hearing screams, James Kirkmann, a cab driver who was taking his lunch break in the park at the time of the accident, radioed his dispatcher, who called 911.

“When the boy went under and didn’t come back up for air, this guy dove under to find him. But he didn’t come back up, either,” Kirkmann said.

Kevin Barlow, one of two police officers who arrived at the scene at 12:18 p.m., dove underwater several times before pulling the unconscious boy to safety. After efforts to resuscitate Edward were unsuccessful, he was transported by ambulance to Regional Medical Center .

Barlow was unable to locate the boy’s would-be rescuer in the frigid water, despite a 20-minute search that lasted until volunteer scuba diver Dorothy Heslin arrived. She pulled the unidentified man from the water at about 1:15 p.m.

A paramedic attempted to resuscitate the man, who was suffering from hypothermia. He was pronounced dead on arrival at Regional Medical Center.

Barlow was treated for minor shock and released.

Possible Day-2 Follow-up Story Leads:

1. The 10-year-old boy rescued from Nichols Lake on Sunday died Monday, and police identified the man who tried to rescue him as William McDowell, a 30-year-old unemployed housepainter.
2. The 10-year-old boy who was rescued from Nichols Lake Sunday has died, and the man who died while attempting to save him has been identified as William McDowell.
3. The boy rescued from Nichols Lake Sunday died Monday, and the man who attempted to rescue him was identified as William McDowell, a 30-year-old housepainter.
4. Edward McGorwann, the 10-year-old boy who was rescued from Nichols Lake Sunday, died Monday, and the man who tried to save him was identified as 30-year-old William McDowell.